LOOSE CHANGE

Mike C says: "In World Cup soccer, Turkey beat Japan 1-0. Translating that into Turkish Lira, the scores is 970,000 to 0."...

This from Er-eek Dash: "Hell's Angels may have a hoot blazing the roads on their Harleys, but for Captain Obvious and his band of merry men, it's getting blitzed on their Big Wheels that amounts to a rip-roaring good time.

I caught up with the Captain--who was not-so conspicuously dressed in a thrift-store couture uniform of a gold lame cape (complete with a Big O) and platinum-colored lycra pants--outside F.A.O. Schwartz, where he was on hand for the launch of a souped-up Razor scooter version of the classic 1980s Big Wheel bike.

The Captain--a.k.a. Matt Armbruster, a 34-year old rocket scientist (no joke!) -- had just ridden in from Boulder, CO, where he hosted his almost annual Big Wheel bash last Saturday. (Check out pictures on his Website: www.BigWheelRally.com.) The rally, now in its 11th year, draws about 50 adult dragsters to a shopping mall for an evening pub crawl on the three-wheeled tyke bikes from their childhoods--modified, of course, to fit their adult-sized rears.

It's B.Y.O.B.W. (Bring Your Own Big Wheel), and the Captain encourages the drivers to wear retro costumes as well as retrofit their vehicles with accessories.

Although he has a collection of nine bikes, the Captain cruises around in a custom-designed gold hot-rod--super-modified with coil suspensions, a bucket seat, and 'lots of electric lights.' With over a half-dozen bars to peddle into in just one night, the Big Wheel Rally is one event where drinking-and-riding is encouraged. (It's endurance--not speed--that counts in this race!) But besides the tattoos and long hair, the Captain explains there is at least one more obvious difference between the events attended by his motley crew and the Hell's Angels crowd. 'Usually the Big Wheel Rally erupts into lunacy--not violence,' he says."

Um, thanks Eric.

Topsy-turvy day, much like South Korea vs. Italy (or Clemson vs. Georgia Tech). To the extent that the market was down, terror in the Middle East and jitters in the tech sector were the culprits. To the extent it was up, housing and the consumer get the credit! In the end (my friend), the Dow eked out a gain of 19 points to 9706, while the Naz fell 10 to 1542. Hey, watch me, Ahn Jung-hwan (Why's it called a golden goal?), I mean Andy Serwer on CNN and Headline News. Read Loose Change. Here's wazzup:

STOCKERS: (That's a World Cup pun for all of you stuck watching the CWS in Omaha, which I'm also watching!) News flash: "In a Merrill Lynch survey, a large number of global fund managers thought the outlook for U.S. corporate profits was the worst in the world and that U.S. stocks were overvalued." Thanks a lot. Now go home!... Some really good news on the housing front, and inflation came in tame (like duh!), although blow by blow (Jeff Beck), i.e., company by company it was less pretty. IBM and Lehman Brothers, for instance, each fell on concerns about their business.... Two craziest stocks in the world were at it again on Tuesday: Best Buy and Circuit City--one opening near my apt.!--both reported good numbers, but both fell on fears of a price war. Yikes!... Oracle shares were blown out before it announced its numbers (12 cents a share). Will the stock ever break $10? For that matter, will WorldCom ever break $2?... I think stocks are going to stay here for a long time....

POWERFUL GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS AND ME: Larry Lindsey, Assistant to the President for Economic Policy, came by this morning. First off, he had a bad right paw. In a dang cast. Strained it bad, he said, throwing his little kids around the pool. Kids not so little anymore. Basic message is that, considering we are coming off a bubble and the first attack on American soil since WWII, for the economy to grow 3% this year is pretty dang good. More juicy details to follow, no doubt, in the pages of the august, yet spicy Fortune magazine that you know and love. Interesting to me, Larry went to the same college as hedge fund rock star Stan Druckenmiller. Did he know Stan (They were more or less contemporaries)? "Yes I did. We ran a hot dog stand together, and if I had stuck with that stand, I'm sure I would have made a lot more money than I made otherwise." Got that right!... So yesterday I was down visiting with Eliot (Lantern Jaw!) Spitzer. He was doing fine. Just fine. Told me about buying a CD of '60s music on late-night TV. Said he wanted to let his kids hear some good old tunes. I told him thanks, as it was probably a Time-Life music thang (Richmond, VA, right?) What possessed him to act so impulsively? Had he had a couple beers? No, no, he said, but "I had just driven many hours with a car full of kids. That's my excuse." Hope you like the tunes, E! We don't want to sell you a bill of goods.... Speaking to Harvey Pitt next! Hey, I want to be a powerful government official! I could do that! Regulate, prosecute, shoot hoops!

MO MARTHA: So now it turns out that her story and pretty boy Merrill Lynch broker's story don't match, according to the Wall Street Journal . Um, this really doesn't look good. She owes it to her shareholders to come clean! And you still thought everybody was Kung Fu fighting?

FOOTIE FROM FOXY!: "So now, after the epic Diving Duel of Daejeon this morning (South Korea beat Italy 2-1 in double-overtime, after Italy's Francesco Totti was--unjustly--red-carded for supposedly taking a dive in front of the Korean goal), we get a couple days rest. Then quarterfinals on Friday and Saturday. Who will survive to the semis? I'm thinking England (just barely), Korea, Turkey, and Germany. Then we'll get an England-Germany final, England will win, and financial markets will begin gyrating wildly because every trader in London will be drunk for weeks. But nothing goes like it's supposed to in this World Cup. Korea-Senegal could happen too. Or Brazil-Spain. Or even U.S.-Turkey, which would surely be a global TV ratings disaster of epic proportions.

The rest of the world is having real trouble swallowing the U.S. team's success. My favorite soccer site, football.guardian.co.uk, has been bursting with snide comments about the rise of the Yanks. Here's how The Guardian's running commentary on the U.S.-Mexico game reported the second U.S. goal: "Two soccer points to no score! Eddie Lewis makes a cross-pitch play from the left zone, finding Landon Donovan alone in the danger area. He top-bodies the sphere into the score bag, and Mexico have a double-negative stat!" The best part is that the BBC's Bob Costas, former England star Gary Lineker, smirkingly quoted this on the air last night as a supposed example of inept U.S. coverage of the game. As the Guardian itself put it later, 'Who's laughing now, jug-ears?'"

Email Andy Serwer at serwer@fortunemail.com.

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